this website, stfu parents, shows the worst of idiot parents on facebook. today we get to read about a mom who finds her own her up her child's butt, and a brilliant mom who colors the potty water green in honor of st. patty's day. ROFLMAO!!!!
TOMORROW (you need to know this in advance so you can line up early) is free pastry day at starbucks until 10:30am (print this coupon!!) AND free cone day at ben & jerry's. plus they have new flavors, like milk & cookies ! yippppyyyyy
today is international world water day. i want to first comment that i have ranked my love for water number one amongst my top ten loved things in the world, with footie pajamas, cupcakes, guacamole, dinosaurs, and cheese not far behind. on a serious note, you should donate to charity:water.
if something is related to cupcakes, i will buy it. if something is juicy couture, i will not buy it. because i'm no longer in 8th grade. but now i'm torn with all this great cupcake stuff out there that i don't own (yet).
avuncular: adj. in the manner of an uncle; hence, kind, benevolent, tolerant. my avuncular uncle harry is very generous with his money; being blind, it's hard to determine the difference between singles and hundreds.
having a bad day? not unlikely, considering this daylight savings bullshit. cornify.com can add unicorns, sparkles, and rainbows to just about anything on your computer. it's kind of like a bedazzler for your photos, blogs, and websites. the internet will never be dark and stormy again.
phantasmagoria:noun. a series of events involving rapid changes in light intensity and color; a dreamlike state where real and imagined elements are blurred together. is this phantasmagoria or is the sun really out?
i could live without animals. yea, i know about the food chain but if all the animals in the world could just all live on one continent together, that would be okay with me. i would still want to watch the puppy cam to keep up with the little cutie shibas, but that's enough. this great website, fuck you, penguin, is incredible. it hasn't been updated in a while though. i guess that's what happens when you land a book deal, you just give up on all your devoted bloggers (shoutout to my mom).
today is international fanny pack day!! these fine accessories were originally made to wear in the back, above the "fanny," hence the name. obviously that was not the best idea in terms of security and comfort, so some brilliant fashion-forward individuals eventually started wearing them in the front and it stuck. i think they also look hip on the side. the best kind of fanny pack is not the old school 90's; it is in fact, the designer fanny pack. back in high school, people actually spent real dollars, by choice, on gucci and prada fanny packs. hahahaha. all praise the fanny pack!
Happy Birthday, Barbie! Today, this lil hottie turns 51 years old. I hope I look this good when I am 51 without needing any plastic surgery or lypo. This brings me back to the days when I was a hardcore Barbie player, except I had 12 Barbies and only one Ken, so Ken was kind of a whore. Also, he was missing his nose because my little brother bit it off. Memories.
today is panic day. this is a great day for dramatic people. here's a fun list of things to do to celebrate the day. my favorite is: "Go to work way over-dressed. Wear a tux or a prom gown, and, when asked what it’s about, simply reply,'I have an engagement later on.' Keep ‘em guessing." wish i did that. there's never enough opportunities to wear a prom dress these days.
just because you are old doesn't mean you can't act like a kid. and trust me, i am getting prettttty old and acting pretttty immature. well this little cutie of a wallet, shaped like a pb&j sandwich, is a nice little reminder of youth. buy it here.
here is a combination of two of my favorite things. children (just kidding, i hate them), and the song lisztomania by the band (i discovered) phoenix. the piano player kind of looks like he stole my skinny jeans and tie dye t-shirt. my favorite kids are at 2 minutes: the one little jonas brother/emo cutie jumping up and down in his seat, and the little green-shirt-wearing stevie wonder behind him. awwww.
you know how people say americans are fat, lazy, slobs, and europeans are the opposite? well the latter is false. here is a photo i captured of some delightful french tourists. notice this guy has his shoes off, and the woman is wearing sweatpants. unfortunately my urban phone does not have the capability to show the dirt all over this woman's socks. the best part was, after this picture was taken, the empty coke bottle "dropped" out of her hand and was never picked up. hmm, and then you complain about our dirty country? go home!
it's nice to give people a chance after they screw up. a wonderful example of this is dave's killer bread. this guy was a MESS; i'm talking armed robbery, drug possession, all the good stuff. still, he was a good baker. when he got out of jail, with a craving for healthy, whole-grain bread, he started his company. read the website for a wonderful tale with details on his drug use and mugshots included. you can order the bread online.
i've died and gone to heaven. which is good because in reality, i am a candidate for hell. allow me to cyber-introduce you to edward anatolevich hill, aka the trololol man. is this guy from now, or 1976? and why was he not cast in the addams family? don't forget to become his fan on facebook.
it's not new, and it's not horrible like mattyfaz, but it is still amazing. if you don't watch HIMYM, you should because it is the only non-food, non-crime related show i watch. which means it has to be incredibly great.
the average amount of grapes it takes to make a bottle of wine is 600.
i wonder how many it takes to make a BOX of fine franzia?
ps, if you love boxed wine, like all classy ladies and gents, here's a list of the best from epicurious. i will be testing these all out in the upcoming weeks i've decided. maybe even all of them this weekend.
we all know a crazy person or two. i feel as if i know that amount multiplied by 37, but that's a story for another day. at times i have been so outraged by emails that i have wanted to forward them straight to a website about crazies, but have held back. not out of the kindness of my heart, but out of my lack of knowledge for a site like this. now i know that there is a haven for wacko emails, emailsfromcrazypeople.com. today's post is a real gem (see above).
all year, i count down until march 3rd, 'what if cats and dogs had opposable thumbs day.' well that's fun to think about. what if they did? you probably wouldn't want one as a pet, i would imagine. hey fluffy, can you open this pickle jar for me?
i am going to get soooo fat. the willy wonka company is FINALLY making scrumdiddlyumptious bars, and launching a real golden ticket contest! the sad news is, oompa loompas aren't real, and you don't get to go to the factory, or win chocolate for life. first prize is a $500 airline ticket voucher. still, imagine all the excitement when you open up a wonka bar and see a golden ticket, a golden chance to make your way! and grandpa joe finally gets out of bed and starts dancing!
i used to download songs illegally, but then i decided that if i ended up in jail for that, my more-hardcore cellmates would choose me as their little pet. my hair is reason enough to be made fun of, i don't need an un-gangster crime on my rap sheet. anyway, on musicforaction.org, by sending a pre-written (or if you have some extra time, a personalized) email about climate change to your senator, you can download a bunch of free songs from bonnaroo artists. holler.
if complaining were a full-time job, i would be doing alright, but i know some people who would really dominate the field. some people think this website, please fire me, is inappropriate, with all the natural disasters and the economic disaster in this country. well yes, it is a bit, but it is still pretty entertaining.
the bill for a celebration party for the 55 drafters of the us constitution was for 54 bottles of madeira, 60 bottles of claret (red wine), 8 bottles of whiskey, 22 bottles of port, 8 bottles of hard cider, 12 beers, and 7 bowls of alcoholic punch large enough that "ducks could swim in them." sounds like a night at the hasselhoff house?
today is national pig day. i think pigs are the best animals. they're cute, but they're also delicious. if it weren't for pigs, we wouldn't have bacon. if it weren't for bacon, we wouldn't have king curtis. everyone wins on national bacon day. except for people with swine flu.
omg. so snooki, vinnie, and pauly from jersey shore were celebrating the jewish festival of purim with mr. big, as they do together every year, when tragedy hit. the glass roof shattered in the building where the bash was going down! fortunately, no serious injuries occurred, so we can focus on the fact that the guidos from the jersey shore cast were celebrating purim. huh? at least vinnie noticed that he was not part of the tribe when he twittered (tweeted?), "roof just collapsed at purim event... i think me and @snooki felt the wrath for not being jewish."